Where Did All These Rules Come From?
There are so many rules. Not the obvious ones. Not the ones written down somewhere or spoken out loud. The quiet ones. The ones we follow without questioning.
The ones we somehow absorbed along the way and never stopped to ask:
Wait… who said this?
The Expectations We Inherit
Somewhere along the way, I picked up the idea that I should have it all figured out by now.
That I should respond a certain way. Handle things better. Be softer here. Stronger there. Less emotional. More patient. More organized.
More… something. And the wild part?
I don’t remember agreeing to any of it.
The Things We Learn Without Realizing It
Some of these “rules” came from watching. Watching how the women around me moved. What they tolerated. What they stayed silent about. What they carried without ever putting it down.
Some came from things that were said directly. Some came from things that were never said at all. And some? Some came from survival.
Because when you grow up learning how to read a room, adjust yourself, keep the peace, and stay small enough not to disrupt anything… those things don’t feel like rules.
They feel like who you are.
When “Should” Becomes Heavy
But lately, I’ve been noticing how heavy some of those rules feel. How often I question myself.
How quickly I default to: “I should…”
I should handle this better.
I should be more understanding.
I should be doing more.
I should already know how to do this.
And I keep coming back to one question: Do I actually believe this… or did I just inherit it?
Maybe the Work Is Unlearning
Because not everything we carry is ours. Not every expectation deserves permanent space in our lives. And maybe the work isn’t becoming someone new.
Maybe it’s unlearning. Maybe it’s peeling back the layers of conditioning we never consciously chose. Maybe it’s giving yourself permission to decide what actually belongs in your life now.
And maybe freedom starts the moment you realize you’re allowed to question the rules you never agreed to in the first place.
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