The Loud Quiet of Motherhood
When Your Brain Feels Numb by the End of the Day
I wish more mothers openly talked about the mind-numbing, overstimulated stages of motherhood.
For me, it’s the season I’m in right now — raising a 6-year-old and a 3.5-year-old.
Every single night, without fail, I end the day overstimulated. My brain hurts. It feels numb.
Between constantly repeating myself, holding space for big emotions (theirs and mine), and breaking up brother fights, some days it all feels unbearably heavy.
Too heavy to carry.
Admittedly, I find myself zoning out and dissociating more times than I feel comfortable sharing — but it’s my current reality.
The Part of Motherhood No One Prepares You For
No one prepares you for this part of motherhood.
Not the diapers.
Not the sleepless nights.
Not the tantrums.
It’s the way your mind feels… gone.
Like you’re thinking a thousand thoughts and none at all.
Like you’re exhausted but wired.
Present but somehow disappearing at the same time.
I used to wonder what was wrong with me. Why I felt numb and overstimulated all at once.
But the truth is, nothing is wrong with me.
And nothing is wrong with you either.
Living Inside the Same Loop Every Day
You repeat the same instructions.
The same routines.
The same emotional labor.
The same conflict resolution.
Over and over and over again.
Your adult brain craves growth, novelty, stimulation, completion.
Instead, it lives inside a loop that never fully closes.
This isn’t just boredom.
It’s cognitive deprivation.
And over time, it can make you feel hollowed out.
When the Exhaustion Lives in Your Body Too
Some nights I realize I’ve been holding my breath all day.
And I feel that exhaustion everywhere — in my body, in my chest, in my bones.
My bones hurt.
I can’t breathe.
And when I finally exhale, it feels like I’m drowning in my own thoughts and in everyone else’s emotions, too.
Because this isn’t just mental.
It’s physical.
Neurological.
A nervous system trying to survive a day without pause.
There Is No Off Switch in This Season
There is no real off switch in this stage of motherhood.
No silence.
No stillness.
No true recovery.
By the end of the day, my body feels like it has been bracing for impact since morning.
Exhausted but wired.
Numb but overwhelmed.
Desperate for quiet but unable to relax once it finally arrives.
Dissociation as Survival
Dissociating has become a comfort in ways I never expected.
Our brains are always trying to protect us, even when the coping mechanisms feel confusing.
Sometimes zoning out is the only way the nervous system knows how to survive.
I used to think that meant something was wrong with me.
Now I understand it as adaptation.
Losing Yourself to Motherhood
It’s almost impossible not to lose yourself in this season.
The old version of you is gone.
And suddenly you’re standing there with these little humans and a version of yourself you barely recognize yet.
And now what?
You’re just supposed to keep going.
Keep holding everything together.
Keep loving.
Keep carrying.
Keep everyone afloat.
Including yourself.
Finding Pieces of Yourself Again
At some point, I realized I had to stop fighting the change because it was going to swallow me whole if I didn’t.
So I started digging up pieces of myself again.
Hobbies.
Friends.
Small things that used to make me feel like me.
Slowly, I’m finding my way back to myself.
Not the old version.
A new one.
One that’s learning how to coexist with both the grief and the reality of this season.
Because there is space for both.
This Season Will Not Last Forever
I know I’m not the only mother who has lived inside this kind of exhaustion.
I see you.
This is a tale as old as time.
And even though the days can feel impossibly heavy, this truth still remains:
This too shall pass.
And one day, you’ll look back and recognize the woman who survived it.
She will feel familiar again.
And she will be proud of you.
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